hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
