i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
