Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
