Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
