So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
