I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
