so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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