let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
