Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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