do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
