How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
being pregnant is like rehab
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
