Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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