Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
