just come out here and I will go home with you...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
