we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
