Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize