I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
