just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
