But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
