I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
