i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
