hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
