So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is Oprah even human
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
