We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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