i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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