party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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