Small penises have feelings too.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
