i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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