Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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