After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
