my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize