oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
