Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
