Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
