It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
