oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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