dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
