i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
