then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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