She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
