I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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