My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think my moral compass just broke
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
