I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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