I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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