This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
