i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
