last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
