Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
