it hurts more in the daytime
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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