When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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