Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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