i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
