yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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