Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
