what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
