Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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