You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
