You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
