I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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