i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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