Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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