so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
