there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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