why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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