i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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