When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
