I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He passed out mid-signature
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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