i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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