that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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