my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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