I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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