I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
