Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
