btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
